Talk:Damaged/@comment-24.57.204.29-20130314185344
Nice Chapter! Here are a few friendly tips~ Sentences with a [ or a ] with bolded 'sentences inside are SPOILERS for actual Warrior Series! Proceed cautiously. You have been warned!! ~Do you spell check your Chapters? I'm super a few typos and grammar mistakes and other errors here and there. I suggest you look up words on the internet and use spell check for every Chapter before you Post it, and also if you spot a sentence you like don't be afraid to change it, like word it different or what you think will complete it. It will make it look nicer~ ~Some of the Chapters are short. Try making them longer, if you can think of anything else to put in it?. ~Icestar giving up on being Leader was kinda... rushed, random, abrupt, out of the blue, you know what I mean? Its as if, 'Hey my Story is going pretty slow so I'm just going to make Icestar not want to be Leader anymore to make Bramblepath Leader quickly!" I think you should of have Icestar ponder about it and put more thought about it in to it, not just like 'Hey I'm too lazy to do this so I'll give up my awesome Leader posistion!" But, hey, that's just my opinion. I guess I like things going slow ^^. Also, Icestar still has all her 9 Lifes as far as I, a Reader and Fan, know. How can Bramblestar get her 9 lives if Icestar still has all 9 lifes left? StarClan themselves said if a Leader has 9 Lives left, then the new Leader will not be able to get their remaining 8 lives? ['SPOILER FOR BLUESTAR'S PROPHECY] Remember how Sunstar said he only got 7 Leader Lives with his 1 normal, ordinary Warrior life because Pinestar still had one life left when he left to become a kittypet? ['END OF SPOILER FOR BLUESTAR'S PROPHEC'Y] A Leader can't get lives if their former Leader still x amount of lives, they have to wait till they're Leader loses all 9 Lifes. Also, did Icestar's name change back to Icecloud, or is it still Icestar? They're can't be 2 Leaders in the same Clan, right? But how could StarClan get rid of Icestar's name? End of friendly tips. Haha, I would be angry if Bramblepath told me to get a life. It was pretty disgusting xD. I understand, Leopardheart, I understand! You're my favorite character :D Hawkfrost, in love with a she-cat 35 years younger then him? How strange... XD Great Chapter, off I go to read Fallen, you're a amazing Writer, don't listen to others who say you aren't and keep on Writing, I hope you do! Don't get discouraged, ever ^^ I might edit this Post (If I can find out how to) with more Tips, or to edit typos, mistakes, unfished sentences, or other issues and errors, or I might Post a new continued Post if I can't find the Edit Post (or if it's not there!) Sorry for the length of this Comment and the excessive usage of birds words (I'm a big word freak!) Toodaloos (bye) ^^